by Andrew Pacholyk MS L.Ac
Heartbreak is one of the most trying, difficult and hurtful processes we can go through. Heart break is not just an emotional state but can induce real patho-physiologic feelings of pain in the heart. It has been said that the “most sexual organ is the brain and the organ of most intelligence is truly the heart”. We often think a lot with our hearts.
Heart Chakra Energy
When the energy of our Heart energy center or Chakra is in balance, we are compassionate, loving, empathetic, altruistic, peaceful, in balance and truly have love for ourselves. When the heart is out of balance in excess conditions, we tend to express issues of co-dependency, poor boundaries with often demanding, clinging, jealous and overly sacrificing tendencies.
When the heart is out of balance in deficient conditions, we tend to become anti-social, withdrawn, critical, judgmental, intolerant of ourselves and others, lonely, isolated and depressed.
Heartbreak has a tendency to put our lives in perspective. Whether it is with the breakup of a romantic relationship or lose of a loved one, we need to take a look with an introspective eye. That is we need to take a reflective looking inward : an examination of one’s own thoughts and feelings.
Our Belief System
The strength in our heartbreak really depends on the strength of our belief systems about the relationship. Our mental attitudes and beliefs set up our perspective and expectations. This in turn dictate our relationships. With everything. With our self as human beings, with life, with our friends, family, lovers, business associates. Our attitudes dictate our relationships with our own emotions, with our bodies, gender, and sexuality. Even with our concept of God. We determine in our minds what constitutes success or failure in any relationship.
“As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims”
It is important to remember that we are steering the ship. No matter what external situations can happen to you, you have the ability to take control of “how” you choose to look at this situation that has been presented to you.
“Who Am I”
You have now been given a rare opportunity to look at yourself. To observe your true self without any co dependent entities around you. Now is your chance. Who are ‘You’? I will not sit here and tell you, “It happens, get over it!” No. It is hard. As seekers of light and love, we take the human traits we formed early in life to use these traits on our journey. The journey we seek is one of a Spiritual journey. We seek to better ourselves, to follow our dreams, to seek out our light that will take us to a higher plain. Depending on our beliefs we discover along our journey the outside influences such as people, places, things: such as money, property, and prestige or external manifestations such as looks, talent and intelligence. These external dependencies or often, co-dependencies can distract us and make us feel better temporarily but they cannot address the core issue – they cannot fulfill our Spiritually journey. They can give us ego-strength but not self-worth. True self-worth comes from accessing the eternal Truth within, from remembering the state of Grace that is our True condition. The real reason we have set out on our journey in the first place.
We Need To Love
For it is Love and the lose of Love which truly allows us the greatest steps in our journey as a Spiritual being. The fact, that you yourself have loved is all that is required.
“Energy Follows Thought”
“With each beat of our heart and every breath that we take, we get a new opportunity to make a choice as to where we want to direct the energy of our lives. Every new moment offers a possibility to open a crack in the door that brings forth the power of the universe. The ever-present “now” is always offering new opportunities to improve our lives. As we verbalize and visualize during our prayer meditation sessions, the now is always turning the present into the past. Scientists have recently determined that the human brain takes an average of three seconds to process and transfer information from reality to memory, to change the present to the past. Each new moment gives us another chance to reevaluate in the light of the present, giving us an opportunity to make new choices and decisions as to what we want to do with our lives. “1
Energy follows thought. Where your thoughts are directed, there is where your energy will go and manifest. Grieving losses are important because it allows us to ‘free-up’ energy that is bound to the person, object, or experience, so that we might re-invest that energy elsewhere.
Grief and Grieving
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. Though we often expect to grieve the death of a family member or friend, many other significant losses can also trigger grief.
*The end of a relationship
*A move to a new community
*A much-anticipated opportunity or life goal is suddenly closed to us
*The death of a pet
“Until we grieve effectively we are likely to find reinvesting difficult; a part of us remains tied to the past. Grieving is not forgetting. It is not drowning in tears. Healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance of our loss — but with a new-found sense of peace, rather than searing pain.”
“Sometimes our reactions are so changeable, intense, or irrational that we fear we may be going crazy. Often grieving people are afraid to confront their grief for fear that if they open the door they will be drowned in a flood of tears or rage. Though this is very unlikely, allowing others to help us in our grieving is good ‘insurance’ that we will keep our balance. No matter what our intense experiences of grief may be they are temporary. There IS life after heartbreak — if we acknowledge and work through our reactions, rather than trying to stop them.” “Fortunately, much of the process of healthy grieving seems to be ‘built into’ our genes. Acknowledging and growing from losses is such a natural process that much of it will happen without our direction — if we relax our expectations of how we “should” grieve and give up some of our need to be in control. But healthy grieving is an active process; it is NOT true that, “You just need to give it time.” One way of understanding the work to be done is to think of grieving as a series of tasks we need to complete (not necessarily in any order).
Tips To Consider:
*To accept the finality of the loss;
*To acknowledge and express the full range of feelings we experience as a result of the loss;
*To adjust to a life in which the lost person, object, or experience is absent;
*To ‘say good-bye,’ to ritualize our movement to a new peace with the loss. Good friends, family members, or a personal counselor can all be helpful in doing this vital work. You can also do a good deal to help yourself.
*”Active, healthy grieving requires balance — balancing the time you spend directly working on your grief with the time you spend coping with your day-to-day life; balancing the amount of time you spend with others with the time you spend along; balancing seeking help from others with caring for yourself.”
*Go gently — take whatever time it needs, rather than giving yourself a deadline for when you should be “over it”;
*Expect and accept some reduction in your usual efficiency and consistency;
*Try to avoid taking on new responsibilities or making major life decisions for a time;
*Talk regularly about your grief and your memories with someone you trust;
*Accept help and support when offered;
*Be particularly attentive to maintaining healthy eating and sleeping patterns;
*Exercise moderately and regularly;
*Keep a journal; Write down your lessons. Healthy grieving will have much to teach you.
*Read — there are many helpful books on grief; (see References). If grief is understood it is easier to handle;
*Plan, and allow yourself to enjoy without guilt, some GOOD TIMES.
*The goal is balance, not martyrdom;
*Carry or wear a linking object — a keepsake that symbolically reminds you of your loss.
*Anticipate the time in the future when you no longer need to carry this reminder and gently let it go;
*Tell those around you what helps you and what doesn’t. Most people would like to help if they knew how;
*Take warm, leisurely baths;
*See a counselor;
*Get a massage regularly;
*Set aside a specific private time daily to remember and experience whatever feelings arise with the memories;
*Choose your entertainment carefully — some movies, TV shows, or books can only over-intensify already strong feelings;
*Join a support group — there are hundreds of such groups and people have a wonderful capacity to help each other;
*Plan for ‘special days’ such as holidays or anniversaries. Feelings can be particularly intense at these times;
*Take a yoga class;
*Connect on the Internet. There are many resources for people in grief and heartbreak, as well as opportunities to chat with fellow grievers;
*Vent your anger in healthy ways, rather than holding it in. A brisk
walk or a game of tennis can help;
*Speak to a member of the clergy;
*Plant yourself in nature;
*Do something to help someone else”
*Find motivating music that will turn you forward and allow you the strength you need.
Remember, moving on takes time, but empowering yourself takes no time. Finding the will to go on is imperative for unearthing the realization of just how great a soul you are and what you still have to offer.